Your Toxic Friendships Are Poisoning Your Relationships

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The Spice Girls, my own personal saviors, and inspiration have a beautiful song that very eloquently states, “If you want to be with my lover you have to get with my friends”. That kind of mentality might have worked in the 90’s but grunge is dead and so is ganging up on a complete stranger for no legitimate reason.

Friends serve a purpose.

They are in our lives to uplift us, motivate us, and to help us when things get difficult. What friends aren’t supposed to do is scare off potential partners because they’re horrified of you leaving their comfortable routine behind. We all love our nights of bar hopping so of course when our friend starts dating someone new and they “fall off the face of the planet” our first reaction is to say that they’re being held captive against their will. Why wouldn’t they want to keep doing the same thing they’ve been doing for years? Because they’ve been doing it for years.

People are multifaceted creatures that seek to grow as their own respective individuals and sometimes that means exploring who they are with their partner and leaving their respective clique behind.

Friends are fantastic but part of the group mentality means a group of people who feel privy to the more private aspects of your life and even worse than that is they feel entitled to give you their opinion. Have you ever heard of the term “poisoning the well”? Sometimes our friends mean well bu just like the fallible human beings that we all are, we are motivated by jealousy and possessiveness.

Change is scary and when people think they’re losing someone they care about to someone they don’t really like all shit hits the fan and all bets are off.

It’s like watching a group of vultures fly around in circles just waiting for your boyfriend to give your friend Bethany a look she didn’t like so that they can pick at his little corpse. Your friends don’t have to like who you date but ultimately they need to respect them. That person is there for no another reason than to support you. Do you really think your boyfriend wants to hang out with your friends while they tear into him? Probably not. Is that something that may motivate him to not see you anymore? Definitely.

I always like to tell people that it’s possible to be protective of the people you care about without maiming someone else. It’s a sign of maturity to be able to learn how to find common ground with people from different walks of life and if your friends aren’t willing to do that you may want to question the maturity of your friends and whether or not you want to let others dictate your adult life forever.  Or, like, did you buy flip flops because Regina George was wearing flip flops?

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